3 Coaching Questions To Deal With Disappointments, Rejections, Hurt

Updated: Apr 10

"Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony." - Mahatma Gandhi

Dear friend,


How has your start of the weekend been? I hope you are giving yourself the nourishing time you deserve!


I had a ground-breaking experience yesterday, which was, unfortunately, also painful and sad. I was involved in a group work and proposed a structure to make it fun and worthwhile for everyone, because the last meetings showed a bit room for improvement. I put a lot of care and thought into this, even learning from other groups` experiences. After I proposed my thoughts for discussion, I could tell the energy was not right. Long story short, the group had dismissed it by misunderstanding me and I was hurt, being soon left as an outsider as if I had proposed something rebellious. The group soon felt I was shutting off, so they accommodated to me, but while my mind could make the connections, my heart couldn`t. I didn`t feel the emotional safety and understanding that I needed. After my meeting, I couldn`t hold back my tears, soon reflected and asked my Coaching friends for help.


After an emotional roller coaster, here are 3 valuable coaching questions, incl. my answers:


1. If others` feedback doesn`t matter, what does this experience teach you about how you want to show up for yourself?

I love this powerful question (thanks to my friend!), reminding me that I cannot control others` reactions, even if I had prepared something with care and heart. There were also additional dynamics present in this group meeting, such as unconscious gender bias, individual relationships, or communication styles. But leaving all this aside, thanks to my coach`s help, I learned that I need and want to support and love myself even more. I am still recovering from a painful and lonely corporate experience, so another confrontation in a similar dynamic, was too soon for me and my wounds. So I couldn`t deal with the situation effectively, e.g. not taking it personally or being confident in finding a consensus through all the present group dynamics. This time, I know that I don`t have to prove myself, so I don`t need to convince others of my view or engage in exhausting conversations.


2. If you were to choose a metaphor, what image do you see?

I love working with images because as we know, pictures can tell more than words can describe. Of course, some of us may be more the auditory, reading/writing, or kinesthetic type of person. I know that images have worked for me. So when I meditated to process this experience, I saw my Inner Child crying, having built a playground with care and thoughtfulness for my mates, who, however, just trampled upon it carelessly and unmindfully. Seeing this image immediately made me want to hug my Inner Child, assuring her that it was great that she put a lot of heart into it, while others just weren`t able to appreciate this (which doesn`t make anyone wrong).


3. What is the gift of this experience?

When time is right, e.g. after having processed our legitimate feelings, we can then gently find a gift that this experience has brought us. Based on the Positive Intelligence training, there can be three types of gifts:

  • Gift of Knowledge: What new knowledge have you gained from this experience?

  • Gift of Power: What power - meaning inner strength or muscle - could you train, that also benefits other areas of your life?

  • Gift of Inspired Action: What action has this experience inspired you to take?

There may be one or more gifts in one experience, and sometimes with time, different gifts emerge from different points of view. In my situation, I can answer - after doing inner work - all three, so as of now:

  • Gift of Knowledge: What new knowledge have you gained from this experience?

  • I learned that although I can resonate with each individual person, when they all come together, there can be a different dynamic (e.g. egos triggered) that may not serve my wellbeing. I learned that I don`t have to stay in a group to not be alone, and that you actually can still feel alone in a group of people, esp. when intending to stay true to yourself. I learned that it is key to surround yourself with people, who are not always like-minded, but also share the same values, like compassion and mindfulness (esp. non-judgmental listening and seeing the person), otherwise, you may be left wondering whether there is something wrong with you. I also learned that at this stage of my life, I need to nourish my soul, while still recovering from the past, so I may not be in my best state for this group work.

  • Gift of Power: What power - meaning inner strength or muscle - could you train, that also benefits other areas of your life?

  • I could train processing my emotions, my awareness about what was going on, and shifting from my victimized Saboteur to the compassionate Sage view. I could train to love myself even more. I could train to deal with rejections and disappointments. I could train my different perceptions as well as staying true to myself in a difficult environment.

  • Gift of Inspired Action: What action has this experience inspired you to take?

  • This experience has inspired me to commit to my self-love 100% and only commit to things that resonate truly with my heart (e.g. not engaging in a group out of fear to be alone). Knowing my intention to align my life with my heart, this experience has also inspired me to go within to find my inner peace and lead my life from within. Specific inspired actions include meditations, talking to my coach, holding my Inner Child, releasing my emotions, and taking a relaxing Saturday after this emotional turmoil. The inner love and peace will also help guide my next activities that truly resonate with my heart. This gives me focus, clarity, and peace. I am also committed to not dim my light only because of others` biased reactions. The world needs our lights, and we just need to find those candles, that support our light, so we can shine stronger together.

So in case you have been disappointed, rejected, or hurt, feel free to go through these Coaching questions, ask for help, and also take good care of yourself. Life is a mysterious and beautiful gift. It can challenge us and surprise us, but it always loves and cherishes us, even if we don`t know it or currently feel it. I did one powerful meditation today on my Inner Child, which I can share with you in another post. It basically is a reminder that we all have an Inner Child that is loved from the day we are born and keeps shining inside us. We just need to remember and give ourselves the love we need and deserve.


Love, from me to you,

Linh


How are you dealing with disappointments, rejections, and hurt? Let me know by sending an email to hello@vietlinhle.com – I very look forward to hearing from you! :) PS: Subscribe to my #mindfulmagic Newsletter to stay in touch for upcoming posts, free offers, and news :)

Experience Life

Create your life with your true self - as a qualified coach, I am here to support you to make this change,  with you in the driver`s seat.