"Do you want to be right more than you want to know the truth? It`s the truth that set me free. Acceptance, peace, and less attachment to a world of suffering are all effects of doing The Work. They`re not the goals. Do The Work for the love of freedom, for the love of truth." - Byron Katie
After a friend shared with me a quite resentful message to end our friendship, I explored the option to reply to her, in a mindful and compassionate way. However, when I drafted my message, I felt quite dissonant and was wondering what the purpose of all this was. Unfortunately, I could see that the friend and I have already been on two different consciousness levels, such that our communication is likely to miss each other again, or even fuel more pain to a person that seems to be already trapped in a painful situation. I would have many good reasons to explain my position, but I wonder whether I even had to explain myself (esp. my welleing) or convince her of my truth. It dawned on me that the answer can be "no".
I had offered this friend a conversation before, so it is not that I am turning my back on her (although she had done so, too). I had to realize that she was already in a defensive position where the only right view is hers - she wouldn`t be open to listen to mine and it would probably challenge her world if she realizes I was right. This is when I also recall my own experience when I was in that hurtful, defensive state myself - when I experienced my major heartbreak. I was so hurt, angry, and sad, that an outreach of my former crush (a year later!) couldn`t connect with me. Even in my righteousness, I could tell that he stayed calm and mindful in his words, but I was just not ready or receptive yet (or maybe not willing to loosen my boundaries for him again).
That day, I tried many things - I slept overnight, I meditated, I connected with my Inner Mentor, I shared my thought process with my coach. That day, something unbelievable, magical, and transformative happened - I was ready to choose peace over pain, peace over retaliation, peace over righteousness. I was ready to really let go of this episode, which is also part of a past that I am not living anymore. Somehow in this thought process, also my heartbreak experience surfaced back (maybe for the reasons above), that I was also ready to let this finally go. My heartbreak experience, although many years ago, had always lingered with me (thanks to off and on contact with no closure), although I have tried every means to let this go, but sometimes it just requires one simple thing - one own`s decision to really do so.
And this is what happened that day - I was ready to let it go. I was ready to not have to explain my own truth, fight for anything, or prove anything. I was ready to arrive fully in my present moment and to enjoy life without having it clouded by my past. I was ready to turn my back on my past, to not be held back by it and to fully immerse with the gift of life currently at hand. Although I had experienced that "letting go" can be a complex, intricate, emotional process, I learned that day that it could be so simple and freeing to let go of something that is not serving you anymore.
Here are the wisdoms that have helped me to get to this stage if you are also currently working on letting go of your past, a conflict, something that is not supporting your wellbeing anymore:
You deserve the inner peace you are looking for - just choose inner peace, feel your inner peace in your body.
Your health and wellbeing is the most important thing in your life - only with your tank full, you can love, create, serve, make your dreams come true.
You don`t have to explain your wellbeing to anyone - you can help them understand it, but if others still cannot, it is not your responsibility to educate or even convince them, esp. if they are not receptive for it and even blame you for their own pain (because their own needs have been neglected, too, by themselves). If they are not open and do not truly care for your wellbeing, you will only harm yourself by engaging with fire.
Everything happens for a (good) reason - the person you met, the job you had, the crisis you went through. If you look back, what did all these experiences teach, show, make possible for you?
Trust that something even better will come into your life. Trust the course of your life. Enjoy your journey while you are moving towards your destination.
Let go, so something amazing can take its place.
You don`t have to make someone else wrong to feel right and to be able to move on. Trust that your encounter and experience happened for everyone`s learning opportunity, as long as we are willing to realize it. You are both worthy in yourselves and sometimes both of your energies may just not match, and then the Universe is realigning the stars again to create a new and better life experience for everyone involved.
Don`t live in the past, come back to this present moment by letting your past go.
"Hurt people hurt people" - be compassionate for the other person`s current ability to only choose this reaction, this behavior, this decision based on their current level of awareness, understanding, and consciousness.
Don`t beat yourself up or pull you down even further - love yourself no matter what experience you have had. Give yourself some credits for your strengh, resilience, comeback.
Focus on what is good in your life, give your precious time and energy to those people and situations that nourish and deserve you.
There is no need to understand or analyze something that may have not worked out - there are so many reasons in life, that are impossible to capture them all. While your mind urges to still its thirst, let your heart guide you and learn to go with and trust the flow of life, come back to this present moment to enjoy your life!
Love, from me to you,
Would you like to go deeper in a free Coaching session? Let me know by sending an email to firstname.lastname@example.org – I very look forward to hearing from you! :) PS: Subscribe to my #mindfulmagic Newsletter to stay in touch for upcoming posts, free offers, and news :)
Inspiration: Spotify Global Charts
Reflection: What do I want to let go of now?
Intention: I am ready to let go of everything that is not serving me right now.
Viet Linh Le is a female visionary, qualified coach with corporate experience, and multi-cultural founder of @vietnamwellbeing, with the mission to change our world by coaching the next-generation decision-makers. Find out more on www.vietlinhle.com