"We have to be grateful for the people and situations that cause us the most discomfort because they`re revealing to us what we still need to heal." - Gabby Bernstein
I am celebrating myself! I have managed to have the difficult conversation with my friend (mentioned in my previous blog post) and also the "after-math". Before our call, I was judgmental, angry, negative - but I was ready to change my perception and attitude, and enter into this conversation with love and compassion, doing something different than I usually do (e.g. retaliating).
Building on Gabrielle Bernstein`s great book and spiritual guide, "The Universe Has Your Back", I was ready to let the Universe guide me in this situation and see it differently. I chose faith over fear. I was praying for miracles and ready to receive one. This process shows that we can surrender to the Universe, so it can take care of our pain. We also always have the possibility to choose new. And we can ask the Universe for guidance and help. When I finally made the shift and was ready to put my resentments aside and act with compassion towards my friend, I saw that her last message was so compassionate and inviting, despite our last hurtful interactions. This was a miracle for me - she had made the shift and was inviting me to join her in a new loving space.
We had a great mindful and supportive conversation, until she said something that triggered my ego again. I noticed it immediately and didn`t share this with my friend right away, as I knew I had to look into this first myself. It was when she shared that she felt so happy with what she is doing, also thanks to my support and initial idea to launch our mindfulness initiative together.
It wasn`t that I was jealous, but my ego thought "Good for you! What about me? Who is supporting me in my success and happiness? Why do I always support others and no one is supporting me?" and so on and on. I quickly realized it was a very strong form of negative judgment, making me feel sad, resentful, lonely. Neither did I want to feel this way, nor do I want to be resentful if my closest friends, who have been there for me in my toughest times, are happy. I always call for friends who want the best for you, and I realized I need to start with this intention myself.
I know my judgment is part of my journey to this day that I have managed a lot by myself - I didn`t have friends when I finished high school as a nerd (even being bullied for being smart), I didn`t have friends when studying at a private university being funded by a scholarship, I was the first one in my family to work in financial services, I moved alone to London, I did basically most of my things by myself. Of course, I am proud of my skills to manage challenges and new situations by myself, but it may be that I have created a belief that I have always done everything by myself (with support here and there).
But now, with the Universe having my back, I am not by myself, I have never been. I was only blinded by my fear and judgments that I couldn`t see the Universe working for and with me. Knowing this, I can always tap into the ever-present energy of love. So after journaling about all my fear-based thoughts to release them, I meditated with Gabrielle Bernstein (s. her free meditation resources) and learned to surrender and choose love. It was a short, but an effective meditation. My heart opened up and I felt joy emerging back in my body. What I learned since this new year full of fulfilment is that I love living with my heart wide open, I love to love, I love to embrace the whole world. This is my commitment for today, to help me live this for the rest of my life. And yes, the veil of fear may fall again, but now I know that love is ever-present, always around and in us, so the only thing I need to do is to switch my channels to get back to my natural and authentic state.
Have you had similar experiences where you felt trapped by your own judgments? Let me know by sending an email to firstname.lastname@example.org – I very look forward to hearing from you! :) PS: Subscribe to my #mindfulmagic Newsletter to stay in touch for upcoming posts, free offers, and news :)
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