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How we can actively let go of our negative habits and choose happiness for us

Updated: Nov 24, 2022

"Anything is possible when you have the right people there to support you."

I received a voice note yesterday from a friend that has uplifted my day to this moment. It is a new friendship, that actually has evolved virtually given we met during an (amazing) online course, but this time, instead of judging the "negative" circumstances (esp. considering that this may be normal during the current pandemic), I deliberately decided to relish this moment, appreciate this gift, and enjoy this new friendship that the Universe has sent my way. Esp. after reading "Letting Go", I was determined to keep working on releasing my negative emotions and limiting beliefs, to move up the emotional scale, cultivating joy, love, and peace.

I know moving towards more positive emotions is not a real surprise, as we all want to be happy, loved, and fulfilled, but it can be a radical act. What do I mean by this? If we look honestly at ourselves, one part of us seems to prefer to stay in the pain, be it because it is what we have always known, or because it somehow feels good or beneficial to be the victim for more attention and love (that we actually don`t get), or because we don`t know how else to feel, or even more alarming, because we don`t give ourselves permission to feel good, believing that the positive emotions will fade like our favorite balloon that suddenly bursts. And yes, all moments will pass. This is the (Buddhist) law of impermenance, living in a world that is bound by time and space. We can also look at it this way - that moments will pass and new moments will emerge for us to grow. If we were to live in a continuous bliss, there would be no growth (although I do believe that we can create a continuous bliss, while knowing that there are also other natural forces (dichotomy / polarity / paradox of life) that we can learn to deal with). If there would be no difficult moments, we wouldn`t be able to appreciate the good ones.

With this being said, there seems to be one part of us that clings to the known pain (please consult an expert, therapist, or doctor in case of severe pain). So today is the invitation to relish in the bliss that is already here in your life. As part of my current Positive Intelligence training, I listened to a short meditation today about the Victim Saboteur. The Victim Saboteur, next to our ever-present Judge Saboteur (judging oneself, others, circumstances), is someone that feels as if the entire world is against her, often feeling lonely, defeated, hopeless. Today`s meditation invited a new perspective to me, which I immediately applied, journaling a few pages:

  • When someone is late, instead of being disappointed (note: you can still feel the human emotion of disappointment and it is very healthy to do so), appreciate that this person in the midst of their busy schedule has made time for you.

  • When someone failed to keep their promise, instead of being hurt, appreciate that this person seemed to care and had made their promise in the first place.

  • When someone asks you about your day, rather than complaining about all the negative things, share just one good thing that truly happened, such as having a good lunch.

Note that this is not about denying the negative things in our life or pushing them aside, but more about shifting towards what is also good in our life and sharing good energy in our relationships and life. Often when we are in a negative mood, it is as if we are only able to see less, receive less, and love less. This may have evolutionary reasons, e.g. to get us into a protective fight-or-flight response, but if done too much, it takes our power and impairs our relationships and quality of life. I love when this shift of perspectives happens, because by this we honour and are open to see alternate truths of a complex world. We often think the only truth, that exists, is the one we see and experience ourselves. Our ego esp. is so convinced, feeling right and leaving barely room to even consider others` views, life circumstances, and communication styles (have you ever encountered your story building in your mind until this person honestly explains all the background behind this event (although I might challenge whether we always need to know everything to forgive or choose compassion)?).

This exercise also highlights that there is no black or white, no right or wrong, even if we feel like it or just know our world best. I have explored this topic for a while now as I have let go of a friendship, because it was the right thing for me to do (honouring my intuition here), but, of course, this doesn`t make her wrong and I also see the value in our friendship and her as a person. It has been an interesting, but also frustrating process not having come to a final, clear-cut answer, which my ego wanted to have to end this search for compassion. But I guess my heart knew that I could view these things in another light, not letting me move on so easily. Feel free to use some tricks, here, for example, I have been listening to another friend`s voice note many times because it just uplifts me so much and brings a big smile on my face. Whatever makes you feel good, do it - if you had an amazing lunch, but understandably don`t want to eat more, take a picture and share it with others. If you enjoy reading, take the time to induldge in stories and escape into another world. Balancing out your negative inclination with positive truths, that are also in your life, will help you see things in all colours, not only in black and white.

Even if your ego / mind thinks you don`t have enough time to relax, get lazy, or do nothing, challenge that - you now have a great learning experience to actively choose positive emotions. And it may be that doing so may help you relieve your negative emotions or inspire you with a new perspective on troubling events. Moving up the emotional scale will definitely bring you back to your power and is a step towards more wellbeing for you.

Are you ready to let go of your negative habits? Let me know by sending an email to – I very look forward to hearing from you! :) PS: Subscribe to my #mindfulmagic Newsletter to stay in touch for upcoming posts, free offers, and news :)


This week`s ...

  • Inspiration: 5-Minute Morning Yoga - Yoga With Adriene

  • Reflection: What positive thing can I see in this situation?

  • Intention: I am ready to let go of my negative habits, and am open to see the good things in my life.

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