"Intuition is the whisper of the soul." - Jaddu Krishnamurti
Yesterday, I started with my intention to live with my heart wide open. It went well until something else creeped in. A nagging feeling that something disturbed me and didn`t feel right. It was heavy on me and I immediately knew where this feeling came from, but I didn`t want to realize it. It was the same feeling after I finished my phone conversation with that friend I had mentioned before. While it went well on the surface, I didn`t feel good about this. Having read Gabrielle Bernstein`s "The Universe Has Your Back", I was committed to choose love and compassion. But now I might have realized, I am still a student than a master, so it didn`t work quite smoothly, or besides having an intention, it is also important to listen to your intuition.
My intuition sensed that my friend did not care about my situation and feelings, and only thought about herself (without judging too much here). As I decided to choose love, I was ready to deal with my own uncomfortable feelings, while supporting her in hers. It is now after an escalation between us that I realize how I actually neglected myself, my needs and my values. I also learned from my own coaching that we have to be nourished ourselves first, before we can give love, otherwise, we will feel drained, used, and resentful. While it is definitely a valuable and worthwhile intention to choose love over fear, judgments, hatred - esp. in today`s world - given my current development stage, I can only do so if my own tank is full. Similar to the airplane safety instructions that advise you to put the oxygen mask on yourself first before you can even help children (as obviously you will run out of air to help as best as you can), we need to take care of our own wellbeing first, to then support others in an impactful way. And yes, maybe there will be a point where I am so whole and enlightened like Mother Therese that I can get pass that stage (my idealistic side now coming through :)).
What I have also learned time and time again is that our intuition is always right, even if we don`t understand or even object this. If we don`t follow our intuition, we will soon learn the lessons the hard way. With the example of that friend, I felt so disturbed and heavy from my feelings that I decided to express them towards my friend. If she was a real friend, she would listen to my emotions, as I would expect this to happen in real friendships. Real friendships, where people can communicate their needs, feelings, and concerns to each other. As I knew she might be sensitive to me raising my voice and considering her self-centered behavior until now, I tried to to choose my words as mindfully as I can in another phone conversation. I was opening up, being vulnerable - and what did she do? She interrupted me, laughed (!) at me, and immediately retaliated "no, this is YOUR feeling".
I was shocked and immediately hurt in my heart region. How could she say this - I was just opening up, sharing what I feel (after days of reflecting and working on this, so I do know that this is my feeling), not even being able to share my whole story to help her understand even tiny bits, and she immediately jumped in and basically see it as my fault feeling that way. I couldn`t believe it and don`t have words for it. It is as if her ego refused to see her part in creating our friendship and pushed it all back to me, not willing to accept her potential contribution in my emotions - not to mention that she didn`t seem to care about my feelings and suggested to deal with them on my own.
I only stuttered back how she could laugh at me while I was openly and cautiously sharing how I was feeling. Soon my emotions boiled up, and I had to end the call. Even still in shock about my friend`s behavior, I knew my lessons learned right away:
Our intuition knows - even if we made another intention, even if we don`t want another friendship to dissolve, even if this means we have to face a difficult conversation earlier than we wanted - our intuition just knows.
Sometimes friendships just go apart - even if it is sad, hurtful, disappointing, with many positive memories together - sometimes two people cannot support each other as best as they can during each of their stages in life.
Voice your needs and concerns early and mindfully - even if you don`t want to face the truth yet, but it will protect you from more harmful effects and developments. Also, your needs deserve attention and space, esp. in friendships.
You can still choose love during this whole process, however, not only for others, but also for yourself. Please also don`t be too harsh on yourself if a friendship dissolves, as this always involves two.
Trust that in your life, you will meet many great, inspiring, loving people, and know this - "People come for a season, a reason, or a lifetime."
How has your intuition guided you in your life? Let me know by sending an email to firstname.lastname@example.org – I very look forward to hearing from you! :) PS: Subscribe to my #mindfulmagic Newsletter to stay in touch for upcoming posts, free offers, and news :)
This week`s ...
Inspiration: Gary Keller - The One Thing
Reflection: How do I notice when my intuition speaks to me?
Intention: I find calm space for myself to strengthen my sense of intuition, that guides, protects, and supports me in life, besides my mind.