"You are the hero of your own story."
Do you sometimes feel that it is often other people who don`t understand you? That it is you who has to resolve most of the problems, relationship conflicts, on top of your own challenges? That sometimes life is unfair, throwing you challenges again and again? That you could have made better decisions? Do you sometimes wonder why life had to go this way or how it could have been if you had decided differently?
Then let me tell you that you are not alone. We all have been there - questioning ourselves, not knowing how to make our best decisions, feeling lonely with our own problems that no one else seems to face. Whenever those questions arise, in Coaching, we call it the "Saboteurs", who try to pull us down and as you may have felt, too, to create a negative emotion in us. If we also look at it from the angle of mindfulness, those questions exactly prevent us from being in the moment. So not only is precious energy consumed for analysis-paralysis, but it also continues to undermine our confidence - so all sounding like a vicious cycle in itself.
Note that this is not about whether those thoughts or questions are true or not - the outcome is clear, being in this Saboteur mind, you likely feel drained than energized, down than motivated, insecure than confident. So what can we do? Let me share 3 tips to gain back your power in your own life and be the main protagonist, director, and viewer of your own movie!
1. As the director: Don´t engage with the Saboteur thoughts
Imagine you watch a movie and the protagonist is battling with the Saboteur voices in their own mind. If we had to only watch the following scene:
"You are not good enough!"
"Get yourself together and move on!"
"Don`t be so damn lazy, do something!"
"No one believes in you or, not to imagine, loves you!"
"You are such a loser and failure!"
The whole movie would be quite depressing to watch. This is not to say that it isn`t part of reality, but in your own movie, you are the protagonist, director, and viewer altogether! So as the director, you can change the trajectory of the movie and the first decision you have to make is to not engage with the Saboteurs.
Why do I say this? Our Saboteurs are remnants of voices and views shared by society, family, friends, teachers, strangers, media, and so on, that are all part of today`s world view. Our Saboteurs were often formed during childhood when we were physically weaker and more dependent on authority figures. Now our parents, as we do, have their own topics and it may be that the way they have been raised themselves, e.g. with not so much mindfulness or compassion, has been forwarded to you. Their limiting beliefs, such as "You are not good enough", were part of our parents` reality, that has been naturally shared with you. And when we as children absorbed this through situations with our parents, we may have adopted this, too, to be "safe" beause without our parents, we would struggle for physical and emotional survival. More also here from PQ
Now as adults, we have the opportunity to transform those limiting beliefs and define those that serve our lives. It may be challenging to adopt a new view of ourselves if we had lived with this truth for a long time and if also our parents are living this view, about them and us. But now we are not dependent on our parents to physically or emotionally survive, so it is also our responsibility to take care of our mindset because this will be shared with others, e.g. our future children. Being an adult doesn`t mean to now engage with the Saboteurs in a logical conversation - the Saboteurs know your weaknesses as well as wounds and their strenghts are in sabotaging you, so it will be energy wasted to engage with them. More also here from Tara Mohr
Stay tuned to learn more about how to claim back your power over your own movie!
Love, from me to you,
Would you like to go deeper in a free Coaching session? Let me know by sending an email to firstname.lastname@example.org – I very look forward to hearing from you! :) PS: Subscribe to my #mindfulmagic Newsletter to stay in touch for upcoming posts, free offers, and news :)
Inspiration: Oprah Winfrey - The Path Made Clear
Reflection: How do my Saboteurs look like?
Intention: I am observing my Saboteur thoughts mindfully to let them go.
Viet Linh Le is a female visionary, qualified coach with corporate experience, and multi-cultural founder of @vietnamwellbeing, with the mission to change our world by coaching the next-generation decision-makers. Find out more on www.vietlinhle.com