What we can learn from positive dating experiences even if they don`t turn out to be our spouse

Updated: Apr 10, 2021

"Life is beautiful, not because of the things we see or do. Life is beautiful because of the people we meet." - Simon Sinek

It was so weird today. I had a dream about someone I had dated months ago. At some point, our paths got lost because of different reasons, such as each of our own thinking and actions (or non-actions) during a pandemic full of rules. Being a spiritual person with a big, open heart, I did eventually and unconventionally thank him for our encounter. I did not write an essay explaining to him why I felt so grateful, as such messages can probably overwhelm men and also we didn`t know each other well enough, such that I could know whether he would be able to appreciate my words. If he wanted to understand more, he could follow-up, but for me it was totally sufficient and already rewarding to share my gratitude, without any expectations on how he would react or perceive this. I did think back and forth whether to send him this message, knowing this is usually not common (I have many girl friends who would say that the man needs to contact you at all times, but as this was not about playing the dating game, but more about sharing gratitude, I threw this "rule" overboard.)

Why I felt sudden gratitude may be because of being single during a pandemic or just because he was a really genuine man. I only realized my gratitude during my own Coaching session when I revisited our first and last date, which has been one of my nicest experiences so far (and I don`t have many, not to say, positive ones). It wasn`t a particularly special date, but, nevertheless, it was still a really nice one for me. Before meeting him, I was sort of "traumatized" by my past heartbreak experience, someone who would notoriously be late, cancel our dates on short-notice half-heartedly, and treat me as he wished (I know it is my responsibility, too). I was so used to such behavior from men that I even found this normal and that I was certain something was wrong with me. (I know my perception is linked to many other factors, too, e.g. working in a male-dominant environment, so as you can tell, I have now grown to a feminist.)

With this guy that I dated in London, it was different. While I sensed the first signs that he may not be a real match for me (the prompts on his dating profile were all about Guinness beer, all his pictures were in front of and inside a pub, and his first suggestion to meet was in a pub xD), I was open to meet him, more for practice rather than a real candidate. When I met him, I immediately thought, "Oh no, he looks good!", making him a bit more interesting and me more shy and less confident (knowing that looks are not everything). I don`t know whether it was his British polite manner that he didn`t seem to be upset about my very late arrival, but his general personality was very kind, open-minded, and fun. We got along very well, he was very attentive and listening, and asked many questions (without being too interrogative). I enjoyed being with him, and it even got better when we had to leave the hotel (yes, we met in a hotel`s restaurant :-)) because of the 10pm curfew and because we felt so lively, we went for a walk. It was a nice Saturday evening, while with less people than usually in London, the breeze was fresh, the temperate warm, the noise typical of a Saturday night (during a pandemic).

While he waited with me for my Uber to arrive, he gently touched my arm. When I had to leave, he pulled me over and tried to kiss me. I was so stunned that I turned my cheek away, which left him startled. He loosened his grip around me, but kept holding my hand. I was still stunned by his affection that I just stood there frozen, looking at our hands intertwined, and not able to look back at his beautiful eyes. At one point, my head chimed in, reminding me of the Uber waiting, and I let go of his grip. The last thing I saw was him standing on the street, looking sad or surprised by what was going on. I remember I was sitting in my Uber, almost trembling because of this unexpected positive experience with a kind man, because of his gentle care and his attempt to kiss me. I didn`t interpret too much into this as I don`t know about his motivations, but I do know about my own perceptions and feelings.

So tonight when he appeared in my dreams, nothing major happened, it was like revisiting our date with all the positive emotions I felt. When I woke up, I felt grateful and happy that I met him. That I could make such a positive experience with a man and that he allowed me to shift my perceptions about me and romantic relationships. Even if we are not in touch anymore and he didn`t turn out to be my husband, I still feel gratitude that our paths had crossed. As I am currently reading Gary Zukav`s, "The Seat of the Soul", I have remembered that our souls may have agreed to meet each other to balance our energies (or karama) and grow from (or with) each other. I like this perspective, that my soul had agreed with his soul for us to meet, so his soul could show mine what a positive experience can look like.

This experience is in that sense so meaningful because it taught a lot about myself that I can now work on until I really meet my spiritual partner for a long-lasting relationship. He taught me about my inner wall of protection, my limiting beliefs of self-worth, and my perceptions of men. He taught me about gratitude, unconventional communication based on love, and positive experiences even without a big bang. So this post is dedicated to him, to all genuine and kind men, to people we can grow with.

What are you grateful for in your dating experiences? :) Let me know by sending an email to hello@vietlinhle.com – I very look forward to hearing from you! :) PS: Subscribe to my #mindfulmagic Newsletter to stay in touch for upcoming posts, free offers, and news :)


This week`s ...

  • Inspiration: Before Diving Into Your Next Relationship ... Ask Yourself These 4 Questions

  • Reflection: What have I been able to learn in my dating experiences?

  • Intention: I trust that we all meet for a reason, and I communicate and act following my heart instead of society`s expectations.