"If you brave enough to say goodbye, life will reward you with a new hello." - Paolo Coelho
I saw you have texted me asking for a conversation if I want and have time - unfortunately, I don`t want. You have reminded me of the unexpected and painful hurt that made its way to my heart, when it was wide open, as it had always been during our friendship.
The moment when I started sharing with you how I was feeling for a while now (my intuition was trying to tell me this many times), you immediately interrupted me and, to my shocking, retaliated, even with a slight laugh, "No, Linh, this is about you, how YOU feel." I was so shocked and hurt, for so many reasons. Why couldn`t you let me finish? When you said it was just about me, is your belief that it doesn`t matter how we act, because it is always about the others? Do I want this friendship where I neither can share my feelings, nor being considered because someone just wants to act how they want? Is this your understanding of friendship? Because then it doesn`t match mine. Even if you would defend that it was your hurt ego that was triggered because I started to share my feelings how you had made me feel - what kind of friendship is this if I can`t even share (mindfully!) how I am feeling because you are afraid to be hurt? You say you are a mindfulness practitioner and a coach - but a coach listens and a mindfulness practitioner observes the emotions in oneself before reacting.
I am fed up and can`t do this anymore. It hurts me that all my initiatives and ideas I had were those that you didn`t believe in, and now you suddenly have the same ideas. It hurts that I have played small, because you could not cope with constructive feedback, so you could play big. I know that you were there for me, as I was for you, and now how the friendship is, unfortunately, evolving hurts me more than supports me, with the additional hurdle that I cannot share all of this with you because you seem to be not able to cope with it and as a result, hurt me even more. It seems that we are at different stages of mindfulness and personal development, which is fine, but is not serving both of our wellbeing.
I know that you have times in your life where you suffer, too, esp. finding purpose at work that doesn`t share your values. I could tell your suffering during our last catch-up calls when we were just rushing through as in a business meeting, 30min your update, then 30min my update, which was ridiculous, and I never had such a rigid conversation in a friendship before. But, I was in this pain, too, and, yes, you were there for me. And it may be that I was just further ahead on my journey (with your support), while you needed my inspirations to wake up and find your way, too. As I am moving further on my journey with a big change in my life, I have realized I need to take care of my own wellbeing and our friendship is currently not supporting and serving me. Maybe our paths will cross again, but at this stage, I need to move on, take this path, without you dragging me down.
I hope you are well - from our conversations it seemed you were quite positive (and happy that you will take over our initiative). While I am happy for you that you are happy, I have also noticed that you don`t like to delve into the negative topics - while I appreciate that the negative parts of life may overwhelm you and I believe in us moving up the emotional scale, I likewise believe that life doesn`t only contain of highlights, but also difficult moments to grow from. If you have a different philosophy, then I am afraid we cannot grow a fruitful, deep, and spiritual friendship, as I am not inspired to only talk about the good stuff, ignoring what else is happening. I wish you well, I know you are on your own path, and maybe our paths have just diverted for the best of us. Forgive me if I cannot choose more love yet than I am spiritually supposed to do. Thank you for our friendship, that I still know to appreciate.
Did you have to say "goodbye" to a friend? Let me know by sending an email to firstname.lastname@example.org – I very look forward to hearing from you! :) PS: Subscribe to my #mindfulmagic Newsletter to stay in touch for upcoming posts, free offers, and news :)